In the Flow

The greatest moments in my life are when everything I believe, love, wish, hope and desire come together at once. When my skills meet their equivalent challenge. In the Flow.

From the age of six age until my mid-thirties I pursued Flow relentlessly. Skateboarding and snowboarding went from hobby to business to lifestyle followed by film, freediving, marketing, advertising and a dozen things in-between. In every one of these arenas I pushed myself to grow and learn as fast as possible.

Conversely my personal relationships developed much slower. Outside of courting I made little effort to stretch myself. Instead of effort I opted for comfort and, as a result, had to learn the same lessons over and over again.

For many years I believed that this was normal. I accepted that the more successful I was the less likely I would be in a healthy, satisfying relationship. When my business life fell apart I fell deeper in love with whomever I was with. Of course that never lasted.

And then something happened. I gave up.

Instead of pursuing Flow in either arena I waited for it to happen. My business life all but stopped and so did romance. Sure there were brief moments of flash and brilliance but they were few and far between.

At first it was depressing. In fact I was depressed. When seeing my situation as punishment or penance became unbearable, I took a new tack. I decided to simply be. I moved to Costa Rica and simplified my life, lowered expenses, asked for help and let go of as many expectations I could manage. Tasks not done were dropped or deferred. For once in my life I began to make space for whatever came.

It took awhile. I got anxious of course but, because I was in a place I loved, I got through those moments by simply appreciating where I was. There are few things a swim in the warm pacific ocean can’t cure at least for the moment.

And then something happened. I found my groove.

Not surprisingly, someone else had to tell me about it. A friend who came to visit me in CR said she had to come because of the passion and energy I shared whenever we spoke about it. A client of mine asked if he could come down to talk about his direction in life and work and we hit it out of the park. There are many more similar examples.

It turned out that all the time I took to find my centre and live my dream and not my goals, was exactly what I needed to find my mojo again.

People have always been attracted to my ability to make things happen. The big difference this time was that they were coming to me independent of whatever business or personal context I might know them from. No longer were they asking for help from the skateboard or snowboard guy, the film, marketing, advertising, pal or boyfriend of guy. They were asking for help from the guy who knew how to live the dream.

Finding my centre changed my life. No longer did I have to be an expert in anything other than my intuitive ability to see, be, discover and create what just works. I was in the Flow.

I want to live in the flow. I want to take everyone with me.

So I surf. I spearfish. I sing in the street. I stay friends with my ex-wives.

To find Flow means stepping into a bigger pool, pond, or ocean with people who will push us into bigger waves as we do the same for them.

At every turn I seem to have the chance to do so.

Last week I announced my first retreat in Costa Rica. I put up a video on my site inviting people to join me and step into their bigness. And you did.

At the insistence of Jason Billows, I recently attended Camp GLP where I had the incredible fortune to befriend like-minded conspirators Jonathan Fields, Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, Karen Wright, Scott Dinsmore, and Kristoffer Carter. How awesome.

The other day I asked my father about legacy expecting to hear him go on about transfer of knowledge and his life experience. Instead he spoke about his relationship with his best friend and wife Marilyn, which he always does and I got frustrated at his avoidance like I always do. After trying another angle and getting the same result I decided to leave it alone.

Walking to his car it came up again and suddenly I got it. The legacy he wants to leave is a place for me in that relationship so I will continue to be looked out for. It’s all he wants to ensure and what he cares about most. I left humbled and in love with him like never before.

Moments like these are becoming more and more the norm and for that I am deeply grateful. Like riding my Harley or racing the boat, I am simultaneously excited and calm, cherishing the moment, staying conscious and accepting the gift.

I know that Flow is not constant, at least not yet, but I also know it’s always there, ready and waiting for me to tap into it.

All I have to do is choose it.

Dad & Marilyn Kayaking
Dad & Marilyn kayaking at Toronto Island, Sept. 2014